I adore rainy fall days.
A refreshing run through the cloud's tears.
Quiet time snuggled on the sofa, reflecting while being serenaded by the gentle patter of drops on the window pane.
Open windows, candles lit, bread baking in the oven and steamy coffee in hand.
A handful of my children cuddled close as books take our minds to far off lands, where stories always end happily ever after.
The softness of the soil and green of the leaves they brings... I adore rainy fall days.
Thank you, Lord for today. Refresh, wash, yes, cleanse my heart and soul just as you are the earth this day. Show what wicked ways have become set in my heart. Pour your healing grace on those desert places, Father. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Wednesday's Word

Cleanse me with
hyssop, and I will
be clean; wash me,
and I will be whiter
than snow. Let me
hear joy and
gladness; let the
bones you have
crushed rejoice. Hide
your face from my
sins and blot out
all my iniquity.
Create in me a
pure heart, O God,
and renew a
steadfast spirit
within me. Do not
cast me from your
presence or take
your Holy Spirit
from me. Restore
to me the joy of
your salvation and
grant me a willing
spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach
transgressors your
ways, so that
sinners will turn
back to you. 

Psalm 51:7-13

Hope

     As I took a morning run under the grey overcast sky, in the refreshing coolness that early spring brings, I noticed the mountain tops, miles away touching the sun kissed clouds and I couldn't help but reflect. How beautiful and peaceful it would be to be able to fly away, high into the sky and leave all of my troubles behind me. Dwell on the mountain tops. Alone. Quietly living, praising and communing with my Maker. Then, life would be easy. Doing good, would be a cinch. Perfection, AH a piece of double chocolate cake. 

But as I labored on in my run, lost in thought and longing I realized that even there, even in that perfect setting, everything done when I wanted it to be, no one whining, expecting or crying at me to DO something, I would still have my sinful nature. My mind would still wander from worshipping my Lord. My feet could slip. Even in the perfection of God's nature, the imperfections of sin's roots run deep. Death, shivering cold and dangerous mountain cliffs still threaten... as I run, persevere physically day by day-so I do so in my spiritual walk. It's not easy. There is no escape route. Laboring on through the flames of refinement produces a life and heart purified, strong and unmovable in God's promises.

     So I keep running, crying, holding on to sweet hope-gazing at the far off beauty of heaven. Longing and believing that I will one day be there, perfect, loved... home.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering,
   the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
   and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
   and therefore I have hope:
 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassion's never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”
 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
   to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
   for the salvation of the LORD." 

~Lamentations 3:19-26

If we had been there...

As the sun reflects off raindrops upon leaves, may the heartsprings of my life, resting in faith reflect nothing less than the love of Jesus!

I've been playing through hymnals quite a bit lately on the piano as I(and a few little voices at times)sing along. Right now I am playing through beauties from Hymns For the Family of God. In the midst of "His life and Ministry" section, #286 there is a reading that goes along with an American folk hymn "Were You There?" It's thought provoking. Beautiful, prodding words fill it's paragraphs and it's title "If We Had Been There" rightly begs the questions:
We're we there? No, but if we would have seen Jesus' life and ministry firsthand would we live each day differently today?  If we had touched his hands, walked in His footsteps and had known the sound of His voice... would our faith be greater? Would we live a life more abandoned for God in this year 2011; a life different than the world's flow, than the tug of society and yes, even our fellow believers?

"If we had been Jews, would we have spoken out for Him

when the Sanhedrin accused Him of blasphemy?

If we had been Gentiles, would we have defended Him

when the Romans condemned Him to death?

If we had been disciples, would we have stayed with Him

when the crowd became a crucifying mob?

Or would we have been like Peter-

who followed Him and loved Him

and denied Him three times before dawn?

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

O! Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.

And the Christ who was crucified there, once said:

"As you have done it to the least of these, My brothers,

you have done it unto Me."

As nations rise in war

As governments oppress the poor

As passive people turn and look aside

In silence

We crucify

Again-

We crucify.

As indifference forms the pattern of our lives,

As hungry children cry for food,

As widows mourn alone in empty rooms,

In apathy-

We crucify.

Again-

We crucify.

Were you there when they nailed Him to the tree?

O! Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.

I think of the nails that crucified my Lord.

They were made of iron; but more-

They were made of hatred, prejudice and greed.

And I wonder-

What part of myself creates mails in other forms

that wound my brother or sister-and my Lord?

You know how many times I have betrayed you, Lord.

You know the times I have chosen evil over good.

Guilt lies upon me like an iron cloak.

My soul is heavy-my burden hard.

Were you there when He rose up from the grave?

O! Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.

In the act of death He absorbs our sins.

In love, He forgives our failures.

In the act of resurrection He gives the promise of acceptance,

the assurance of forgiveness, the affirmation of eternal life.

"Your sins are forgiven you", He said, "Go and sin no more."

Through You love, I am made whole,

Through Your death, I have found new life.

You are my shield, my redeemer and my hope.

My sins are forgiven-Hallelujah!"

-Marilee Zdenek

Treasuring the moment

Seasons come and seasons go, blessed be the name of the Lord!

During this crazy busy season we are in at the moment, strangely I've found rest, peace and overwhelming contentment in Jesus and focusing my attention on the physically present people and "real" moments in my life. Trust me, and not of my own will, either! I have been without a computer at home for a couple of weeks now and while it has been hard to refocus and shake the habit of relying on the Internet, facebook and blogging to get my "fix" it has been amazing the blessing that has been washing over me in return for more "quiet" days. Those beautiful souls God has placed before me on this path of life to walk beside for awhile for a greater purpose; I'm not so distracted as to dismiss them now... I've found that there has been less of me and more of Him as a result of this thrust back to the 90's. Hahaha...
We all get in needy mode at times, or our deflating pride or battered self-image needs boosting. Regardless of whether you are willing to admit it we ALL have look at me fests as a result of being discouraged. How easy it is to pick up the computer and have instant gratification from the attention received, burying myself in mindless activities and earthly information, reaching out to others for much needed love and affirmation. Now while that isn't all bad in and of itself, have I turned to God first? Where is my heart when I am doing that? Is God not able? Is He not enough? Have I looked to a smaller god in my life, the easier and quicker way of "dealing" with and filling my needs? Those things do work sometimes in boosting morale, but not usually for long. My senses need to be re-stimulated time and time again, more and more,"I just need to be KNOWN and keep it that way!" Have you ever felt like that?
I've found that in setting myself apart for Christ, reaching out daily to those around me, being sensitive to the Spirit's leading in everyday activities and in prayer, I am saying no to my fleshly desires and it is GOD who instead fills ALL of those needs! I don't need to go out and ask for it, look for it or wave attention down to feel noticed or loved, but how often in the fast paced world, full of information at our fingertips and instant gratification are we brain-washed in thinking that is how God works.

Psalm 4:2-4
How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?
Know that the LORD has set apart his faithful servant for himself;
the LORD hears when I call to him.
Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.

He's still.
Mighty.
A firm foundation.
Always present.
All that I need.

Friends, He finds no joy in us filling our days with US.
Father, this day, I live for you! For You only. Not to fill an earthly need, be lazy, make myself or my "life" known by all or satisfy my longings. You know my needs before I even have thought of them. You are my Maker, and I give this day to you, to live for YOUR glory.

I'm sure I will get my "beloved" computer back soon(smile), so I can post all of the wonderful photos and stories that I have to share, but until then I'm going to keep my eyes and heart focused on living by the motto, "Not my will but YOURS be done in my life and family, Lord".

Now onto one of my other daily fixes... coffee...

Surrounded by beauty;

Choosing to believe;

Letting go of doubt;

Kneeling on bended knee;

Living real, living freely;

Living selflessly;

In giving, finding blessing;

Following my gracious Savior's lead.

Daily, this is my heart's prayer! I falter just as much if not more than choosing the right way.  I'm thankful to God for His son Jesus, His gracious sacrifice that covers over those mistakes. Celebrating Him today and every day!
Merry Christmas!

Random Thoughts... um... Saturday!

Wow! What a whirlwind of a November it has been around here. Something that never changes is my complete amazement at what CAN change in just days!
We have been busy with birthdays...

My second in command turned 8 years old this last October. She had a wonderful birthday slumber party. Her first ever! A definate highlight was the glow stick outdoor fun!

My oldest turned 9 this October and I am still in shock that I will have a double digit daughter next year! I am getting old... {er}.







Then, my last birthday in the 20's was this month!  I've totally savored it and the past decade and I am looking forward to the 30's... I believe I've had my fill of the "child-bearing" 20's thank you very much.  Ha!
It's November now. A beautiful month in our area. Cool crisp weather, damp days, and big bright blue skies. We are enjoying the weather, but with shorter days and the "finishing" up of our {Project Water Diversion} plans, we haven't had many moments of outdoor leisure this fall. We're taking the time we do have together with each other and purposing every minute of it.
We enjoyed a trunk-or-treat at my parents church and a harvest party directly after with our church family!  It was such a fun time... I am so thankful for our church and the beautiful people in it(and they are pretty good dancers, ta boot)!
Here are pictures of my kids in their scrounge-through-the-dress-up-bin-costumes and my mother as an M&M:

(Okay, so the big bad Darth Vador guy is not my kid... not that that was in question!)

My mom is absolutely awesome.

Along with homeschooling, Bible studies, housework and everything that goes along with being a wife and mother, my husband I have recently decided to add another task to our list of daily accomplishments: A part-time job...for me! 

Because, people who stay busy accomplish more... at least that is our theory.

We have been praying about whether I should take a class or two at our local community college or find a part-time job that I would enjoy.  The Lord orchestrated the whole thing and it worked out for me to start working in our local coffee shop.  It just about fell into my lap!
I have NEVER worked as a barista, so there is a lot to learn. I thrive under pressure!  So we should be good to go.  This week was my first week and so far, I love it.  Looking forward to next week!

My first-born has started Shotokan Karate at a neighboring town's church.  She absolutely LOVES it.  My second daughter is loving her gymnastics, my third is getting OH-so-close to reading well on her own.  She is reading simple things with my help now and for her, this is amazing progress!  This mommy is absolutely delighted and encouraged. Thank you, Jesus! 
My son is a dashing charmer. Last night we ALL went to Open gym night at my second-in-command's gymnastics place and he was so excited. I love how he said "Are we going to M-nastics now, mommy?" My littlest girlie is darling, saying many many words now, running around trying to keep up with her siblings and dearly loves food and music.
My grandpa Jim had a VERY bad four-wheeler accident which ended in him getting life-flighted to the hospital from the top of a mountain!  His pelvis was broken in 2 places and his hip joint completely shattered.  He is recovering well but will have a long long road ahead of him in the rehabilitation and limited mobility department. He is 72 years old and has always been a busy, tough, healthy, driven man so this will be hard on him.  We are praying the Lord will sustain him and keep his spirits up!

~

And then there is this one area I seem to keep struggling in lately...

Friend-to the end-ship

I am going to be completely honest for a moment...

Do you ever feel as though you are a ~used friend~? 

I do! I understand these are my feelings and that feelings lie so I give them to God.  I long for as Anne of Green Gables puts it: A kindred Spirit.  Someone you can't wait to see, tell every teeny little tiny thing to, who understands you, whose friendship is un-changing, who doesn't throw out your friendship when it isn't "useful" or "beneficial" to them anymore, selfless offerings of oneself as an instrument of blessing to eachother, seeks you out and goes out of their way to show their love.  Some days I know I fall short at this, but I do try, there are many times I feel Spirit lead to reach out to my friends, to be there when they call on me, pray for them often, forgive quickly, seek them out and bless them, even with just a smile and so I do it.  Isn't that friendship? 
It's true, sometimes I do try too hard or I am fueled by guilt(founded upon my own unreachable lofty expectations that I put on myself) and wind up coming across completely wrong.
Friendship.  Companionship. Selflessness... where can it be found?  What does it look like? Is true friendship easily dismissed, forsaken or ignored?

Jesus...

Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."I believe that God fills that longing in our hearts as humans... we long for intimacy, closeness and a sense of belonging.

We long for...
Safety. 

But being human as well as spiritual beings, leaves us sadly separated from being physically with our Maker.  His touch is felt through the filter that is between the glory of Heaven and heaviness of earth... it's real but different than that earthly longing of being loved in the now.  I believe that leaves some walking in loneliness just a part of life here on earth.  No one can fill it, because a sense of perfectly belonging isn't, it just isn't until Heaven.  I'm such a deep person, therefore I long for deepness in relationships, not "gigglies", not "seasons" of love. Forever-ness.

Absolute abandon.

I've found that when I am fretting or hurt, one of the best things I can do is remember all that I have to be thankful for!  It lifts the spirits and changes perspective instantly.

I'm thankful for my so-near-perfect-husband-in-the-love-and-friendship-department-it-makes-me-mad-at-him life companion and his MALE, manly, husband-like, practical minded kindred spirit. I have found complete safety in him.  I am SO incredibly thankful for my Savior, Jesus, He's given meaning to my life. I am thankful for each day with my sweet, dear children.  What gifts of love! I am thankful for the ladies in my life who are reachable and real... they are treasures! 
What are YOU thankful for today?

Thank you my God for this time of growth here on earth... with out it I wouldn't understand just how much I completely need you... I love you.

love,
your sometimes insecure very fallible daughter

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.
I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee;

I long to be filled with longing;

I thirst to be made more thirsty still.

Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.

Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.

Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."

Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

-A.W. Tozer

Goodness... is loving kindness in action.

         And it does not come naturally! My dear children and husband, though wonderful gifts they are and though deeply, deeply in love with them I am, will still on occasion feel like a heavy burden or look like the fiery enemy himself just begging to be smacked, rebuked and shunned... but I am called to love them anyway.  Even when I'm tired, hurt or angry, instead of acting on my superficial feelings I can make a choice to grasp firmly onto the truths of God's Word, putting on the love of Christ, and being bathed in goodness!  Taking care of their needs, loving on them and incredibly finding that my feelings, though slightly slower at jumping onto the kindness band-wagon, begin to follow the Spirit's leading and begin to be transformed.  What a gift I can be as a wife, mother and friend, constantly aware of how I can be of help and laying down my life in service to others.  If only we all had a little more of His attitude, maybe we'd all get a little more of that goodness in return. My heart this morning:

So I've found it is not words that win over

nor mere thoughts of kindness.

At our best we still fall entirely short.

When slanderously provoked,

quietly bearing, waiting;

actively returning blessing for evil

seems much too impossible.
Needy gratifying of the flesh ~versus~ a higher calling to do good;
an unseen spiritual tug-of-war ensues.
It IS possible to "do good to those who hate you."

God's readily available supernatural goodness,

actively permeates ever inch of this world.

We have only to deny self, open our hearts

and let him play beautifully through

the instrument that is our life.


"The supreme test of goodness is not in the greater but in the smaller incidents of our character and practice; not what we are when standing in the searchlight of public scrutiny, but when we reach the firelight flicker of our homes; not what we are when some clarion-call rings through the air, summoning us to fight for life and liberty, but our attitude when we are called to sentry-duty in the grey morning, when the watch-fire is burning low."
-F.B. Meyer

I'm busy, Lord!

I'm busy, Lord. Surely You can see

The thousand things that wait for me!

The dishes still lie in the sink-

I cannot stop to pray and think.

Lord, I know You understand,

For You gave these children to my hand;

And now they cry and need me so,

Lord, You understand, I'd better go.

Now I've got them all to sleep,

I'd better go dust and mop and sweep.

I must thaw out the meat for stew,

And the ironing is long overdue!

And kindly my Lord answered me,

"Why do you from My presence flee?

I have so much for you today.

My child I want to hear you pray.

"I love you child; I want you here

To rest and listen-to shed a tear.

What if Paul had stopped to say,

'Lord, I'm too busy to write letters today!'?

"No, My child, I'm what you need,

Through household duties you can speed,

Yet when you're through, there's emptiness

If this quiet time you miss."

Oh, thank you, Lord for reminding me

How much I need to wait on Thee.

For what's an undone dish or two

Compared to sharing time with You?!

-Nancy Stitzel

Weary

This is the front of our house at the moment

but soon, SOON it will be a pretty finished picture, beautiful to behold and pleasing to the eye.

Finished, restful, inviting and comfortable again...

Living in a place constantly being renovated, a continual construction zone, is exhausting.

God is faithful to sustain, keep our hearts secure in the promises of His Word.
My perspective holds fast to that.
There are moments, when I look at things and how unorganized and torn up that they are,
when I momentarily lose sight of the goal, that glorious eternal prize.
And  I do get sad. Tired. Depressed.
I may periodically forget in whose hands our lives are firmly and lovingly held.

My husband is always gentle and understanding, his gracious affection dissolving any worrisome trials and hardship's hold.

My children are just happy to be with their mommy and daddy wherever that may be and IN whatever that may be.
Our surrounding support system is deep, strong and loving.

Our family has never been closer or more alive with purpose!

~

Life doesn't slow down.

Growth is continual.

I am not one to complain or look for sympathy.

It's been felt like a long road to travel.

I'm weary of the nuisances in this life on earth.

Longing for the day when this place will be no more.

God's promises.

I find my hope in them!

I remember my affliction and my wandering,

the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them,

and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

~Lamentations 3:19-26

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

~Psalm 42:5-8

As I sit here chowing down on my fresh homemade salsa and tortilla chips, I can't help but think about something I said earlier today. To my surprise, when talking to a friend from church, I blurted out,"We've just been so busy living life." It's true. That doesn't seem immediately odd as we all lead busy lives, but when I thought about it more deeply, I began to wonder how much of that busyness is necessary, beneficial and good? Part of His will for our lives? Advancing God's kingdom? Eternally minded?
And what part of that busyness is just empty noise...

There is a fine line between living eternally minded yet still maintaining the flesh and living solely by and for our flesh, striving for selfish earthly pleasures.  I don't think we need to get caught up in legalistic practices such as {example}us all becoming monks and nuns but I do believe we should all take a good look at even tiny daily habitual activities in our lives and ask,"Is this pleasing to the Lord?"  "Would I be doing this if Jesus was here with me in person now?" "Am I just wasting time or living life with a purpose?"

So, it's true, we are ALL busy living life. What I said wasn't shocking to my friend, in fact she won't even think twice about it... but I have because as a Christian woman, there needs to be a balance. I need to continually take stock of the content with which my finite life here on earth is being used up. Listening to the Holy Spirit, finding that tailored balance between being pulled and tugged by the world and being Spirit led and heavenly minded, then letting God's grace cover the rest sounds good to me!

I was sent this interview today and I found it thought provoking, encouraging and definately worth reading. I hope it will inspire you as well!


Interview with Rick Warren by Paul Bradshaw

By Rajwin Singh Published 03/28/2005

I found the following rather inspiring. In an interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren said:


"People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond, In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body - but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act, the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life: The goal is to grow in character, In Christ-likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you got to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain."
But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people...You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before.
I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for you to own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan - to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better...God didn't put me on earth just to fulfil a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings."

A Hymn of Faith

This is the prayer of Habakkuk the prophet, on shigionoth.

~

Lord, I have heard the news about you;

I am amazed at what you have done.

Lord, do great things once again in our time;

make those things happen again in our own days.

Even when you are angry,

remember to be kind.

~

Though the fig tree may not blossom,

Nor fruit be on the vines;

Though the labor of the olive may fail,

And the fields yield no food;

Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,

And there be no herd in the stalls—

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will joy in the God of my salvation.

The LORD God is my strength;

He will make my feet like deer’s feet,

And He will make me walk on my high hills.

Habakkuk 3:1-2, 17-19  

Random Thoughts

Totally had a children's book salesman from Estonia, FINLAND stop by my home this week. FINLAND(I'm not sure how I feel about our countries companies hiring out of country employees with so many jobless Americans, but enough said for now)! It was so much fun to talk to him(yes, I answer my door to strangers and don't just shrink behind my door in terror, no offense to those of you who do).  Wow, these companies are getting tricky!  They hire these foreigners with awesome foreign accents to enthrall and stir up interest in buying their wares. Pshaw. Didn't work on mwuah! Such a nice guy, though. Meeting people from across the world just reminds me of how vast and wide God's earth is.  It makes me want to travel, travel, travel and learn, learn, LEARN. Did you know that bi-lingual kids are usually smarter on average?
His name was Martin, he is kind of like an exchange student, only an adult salesman type of exchange employee intern person... staying with a host family in Nampa for four months.  His territory is the Ontario area-go figure. The books were awesome, geared toward pre-school-5th grade but definitely a few $$ to buy so after 15 minutes of oohing and aahing, interesting intuitive back and forth banter as he, my fifth blessing and I sat on my front porch, I sadly declined. In the beginning he asked me to guess what European country he is from just by listening to his accent. I guessed Germany. Not quite. Geography lessons here I come!
Funny dialogue moment not long after we met and I told him we have 5 kids: Him,"Can I ask you a question? Are you Mormon?" ({inward eye roll}heard this one before, Ha)Me,"No, just have what blessings the Lord gave us." Him,"Oh, okay." Me(looking at his books),"Can I ask you a question?" Are those Mormon?" Him, "No, I'm sorry, {nervous laugh} don't worry they're neutral." {smiles all around}

~

I am simple flesh. Weak. Fearful and broken.

Life is overwhelming and hard to understand at times, it's deeper than I can comprehend.

Beyond me.

God is Almighty. He is Strength, All-knowing and Omniscient.

He holds me up and will make all things known in the end, He carries me in His loving arms.

It's beyond me.

I fail, stumble and fall. My walls come crumbling down. I give up.

It's beyond me.

His promises never fail, his words are life itself, He is the Rock upon which I stand, He saved me,

because it is beyond me.

THIS song is my overwhelming prayer for a friend who is dear to my heart and continually on the breath of my prayers.

The Daily-ness

My dear pastor's wife sent out this little devotional awhile back via e-mail and I am continually blessed by it's words and reminded to seek the Lord on a daily basis for what our family needs and what the Lord has already graciously provided.

It doesn't matter what vast amount of daily-ness our day may hold; I believe these treasures

are so completely worth it all.

~

"Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway." Proverbs 8:34 (NIV)

Life wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't so daily. As I sit here surrounded by laundry and dishes piled high in the sink, I see more than ever how life wears us down one day at a time.

Crumbs litter the floor and dirty smudges cover the windows. And I have yet to discover where that smell is coming from. For this mother of four, a simple trip to the grocery store requires an act of God and Congress – attempted only when we are down to powdered milk and Ramen noodles. Not thirty minutes ago a little one-year-old boy clung to my legs, belting out that scream - you know the one, bats can hear it. And I felt my co ping skills slipping away. Not because he was crying but because he cries every day.


The daily-ness.

The job of motherhood feels so vast, and frightening, and unending. I am called to raise these children in the fear and admonition of the Lord and yet there are days that I can't seem to get out of my pajamas much less lead them in a time of prayer. I think anyone could endure the temper tantrums of a small child or the rebellion of a teenager or the constant needs of another if they lasted just one day. But the truth is that these things are the stuff of daily life. And when I am honest with myself, they grind down the rough edges of this woman. Because parenting can not be all about me when diapers must be changed, noses wiped and beds made.


In those moments I force myself to take a deep breath and thank God for this season of life. These children. The privilege of wiping noses and bottoms and countertops. A privilege many women wou ld love to have, but don't. I remind myself that the days are long but the years are short. And one day I will look in the rear-view mirror and see empty seats. The cup that is overflowing right now will slowly drain. The stretch marks will fade. And I will find that a new set of daily struggles has overtaken me. When that day comes I will find the strength to face them as well because God gives the grace, daily.


The daily-ness.


As C.S. Lewis once said, "The thing is to rely on God... Meanwhile, the trouble is that relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done."


Your daily-ness is probably different than mine, but it is nonetheless God-ordained. It is exactly what we need to live dependent on His grace instead of our own strength. The One who knows us best, who knit us together in our mother's womb, has allotted these days that are equal parts trial and triumph. And He knows that we will see Him most clearl y from a place of dependence.


So today I embrace the normal things. The daily things. Another round of laundry. The ring in my toilet. The dust on my dresser so thick a child could write his name. But even more than that I want to celebrate the important things. A child slowly learning to read. A husband that finds his comfort in my arms. A baby who learns to walk and talk. Because all these are the things of life: some mundane and some holy. And all of them must be received daily.


Dear Lord, sometimes daily life is just hard. And we're tired. And overwhelmed. But You promised to be our strength and our hope and our comfort. So today we look to You for what we need. Would You meet us in this, our daily-ness, and help us receive Your grace? In Jesus' Name, Amen.

~Ariel Allison Lawhon

~

Gaze Heavenward

to the designer, maker and sustainer of ALL things.

"I know that You can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked,'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know."

"You said,'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.' My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." -Job, to the Lord, Job 42:2-6

We get caught up in everyday earthly treasures and plans, and we forget who we are living for. We forget that we are mortal, will have an end to our life on this earth and know near to nothing of life after death. I find myself walking around, feeling empowered, in control or even at times, just enjoying life without so much as a nod in God's direction. His grace keeps my being intact, and brings me back to my knees in repentance, re-focusing my gaze outward and up to heaven's wondrous gates.

How amazing His knowledge and endless His wisdom!! He has intricately designed our universe's vast finite existence. He's fashioned each of us personally, individually and for a purpose, that only He can guide us in fulfilling.

Keeping a grasp on reality, being confronted with physical death and the dying, marvelling at how fragile our frame, how brief our existence, remembering WHO we live for and consulting with our Creator God; that is the only way to walk through this breath of a life, direct our few nonsensical footsteps and live each moment of every precious day.

It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:2

Magical

is one word I would use to describe a Friday evening we had recently. Although, *heavenly* may be more suitable a label for these past few days. Beautiful, engaging, special, memorable, awe inspiring, gorgeous, breathtaking, lovely, mesmerizing, serene, thankful and blessed; all feelings and emotions felt by me that Friday! One of those special times when you wish time would stop or at least slow down! Where you're 'feelin' the love', surrounded by loved ones, friends of sound mind who are united with you in actions and purpose. We were fortunate to be able to attend a Symphony concert in which my husband's friend David plays first violin, while my mom watched our 5 kids. I would liken that evening to a cool refreshing drink after a long scorching day.
Music speaks to me. It moves me. God uses it to change me. Music breathes life into my weary soul and like clay in the hands of a potter, my outlook on life begins to take positive shape again, with divine purpose as I worship and praise the name of the Lord! Desire reappears as I am molded into a vessel more useful once again, newly inspired, with a sense of His permeating joy filling my being. I have always loved music, particularly playing an instrument. Growing up, it was an outlet for my feelings, my frustrations, my victories, along with writing. For quite a time, I have been oddly sidetracked and have withdrawn in ways from these dear loves of mine. I'm not sure why! This past week has been one of utter unrest for me physically, mentally and spiritually. The overwhelming presence of unrest and fear have been consuming my heart and mind. I've been reeling from the pressure of it, paralyzed as it gripped my very soul! I've been sleepless, crying and without energy, desire or inspiration. The urge to submit to depression and curl up in defeat has been knocking at my door, and I have cracked that door open, unwittingly giving in. Running 4 days on a total of 13 hours of restless sleep will do that to a person!!
Recently, with these emotional ups and downs I've been having and the apparent depth of unrest in my life, I felt called to step back from the things that have been taking up my time, the things I would lose sleep over or turn to bright & early in the morning and those things that ruled a lot of my day. I needed to take a step back, pray, take stock, re-prioritize. I decided to take a "break" from face book in particular as well as a couple of other 'things' I would catch myself finding joy in, because it did have several holds on my life and heart and has been indeed holding me back from fulfilling the daily purposes divinely given me. I was taking good care of my family, getting needs met, chores done, doing okay but I was being fed too much worldly food, and not enough of the life sustaining food from my Heavenly Father and it was catching up with me. Instead of continually being socially driven and finding contentment in being a part-of or staking my sense of "belonging" in things of this world, I am instead to find my worth and joy in Him and my relationship with Him. I know I am called to lift my feelings and energy, the cries of my heart, the prayers that well up from within, the melodies that pour forth from my soul onto the keys of my piano, the words and poems that steadily go into my journal up to the throne of my God. Instead of looking to be fed by other's opinions, advice, or even loving words, I needed to come back once again to my Heavenly Father first and foremost, making time spent with Him, in His presence, my priority, letting HIS important words be ALL that I seek... at least for a time. I'm sure I will once again face book, but thankfully, I know I will never be the same. There are SO many other accomplishments I have yet to finish, a higher calling to complete. Thank you, Lord for transformation and the growth and maturity you call us to! I am not going to get comfortable in this life but be constantly growing, though painful at times, improving and moving forward in my walk with Him! And though one thing may be a distraction for one person, it may very well be an other's calling!! That is the beauty of God using each of our various strengths and diversities as well as our weaknesses in the perfect place and to work together for His perfect and sovereign plan.... the plan that He ordained for me from the beginning of time, to carry out daily as I stay grounded in Him.
I have purposed to read more, making sure sweet quiet time comes first, along with prayer. Lots of prayer! As I want to have ALL of my emotional needs met by Him alone. I'm going back to my first loves, writing and playing the piano. I plan to continue pouring the thoughts of my heart out onto paper and into melodies, which are some of the true gifts God has given me to use for Him! Things that speak life to my heart, create longing for Him, praise Him and glory in His ways, are not worldly chatter or being sidetracked by meaningless charades.
I am humbled and truly blessed to know that my Heavenly Father cares enough for me to remind me that I am not called to be normal, average or anything that resembles the goals and triumphs of this world. I am called to go far beyond that and through His empowering Holy Spirit, gracious blood and loving sovereignty, without a doubt, I will.

The Lord's loving kindness is beyond my comprehension, and I am so in love with Him!

After coming to these conclusions, making decisions and accepting this calling on my life, I am wonderfully full and grateful. And although not all of the unwanted circumstances are gone or taken care of, I am full of thankfulness, hope and joy. Inner Rest.

My husband and I were invited to go to a friend's symphony concert recently and it was just one of those life experiences that blows you away. Not because the evening was amazing perfection(although it was close to me!), but the timing sure was. And David, such a sweet gentleman-God used him to bless mine and my husband's heart deeply.
The music was beautiful, as they poured their hard work, dedication and love of music into this concert but the hearts of our brothers and sisters in Christ, and the friends they are and always will be is even more beautiful. It was a touching life event, and the evening struck a harmonious chord in my heart. Bringing me to once again, grab hold of the hope and true rest that we have already been given, and that the Lord freely gives to us, His children.

Here is my main man along with his running buddy, and friend, David! These two are amazingly enough, very distant relatives! And the only way they know this, is because David grew up across the street from my Main man's grandparents in a city 7 hours away from where we live now! His grandpa loves geneology and knows his family tree very well and when David's parents compared family lines with Brandon's grandparents, they were astonished to find where the two families had split off. How crazy small is this world sometimes that both David and my Main man now have moved to the same area, and are friends!?

My husband really enjoys and admires this guy so he must be pretty special!

I had the pleasure of sitting next to my friend, Katie who is amazing in her own musical talents. We hadn't planned it but were very excited to have run into each other at the concert and enjoyed friendly and delightful company throughout the evening. What a sweetie this beautiful girl is! Love her!

My main man and I! This is a man who has loved, protected, prayed for, held up, wiped tears and supported me always but even more so through this past week and all of it's emotional and physical hardships.
What blessings from above, God loves to rain down on us!!
And all of it, I know I do not deserve.
But O, thankfully, that is the way of His overwhelming grace.

Of which I rant and rave

Oh, how prideful I am!

How often I seek recognition from marred humans or to be applauded for my earthly good fortune from sinners!

Am I so much different from anyone else? Does everyone tend to think they have the best of things, the hardest of situations or the strongest of honest and true love?

I think we are all more alike than we would venture to honestly say.

Oh, how lovely a hug in private company.

Or exchanging of secret handmade love notes.

How delicate a whispered adoration;

or the look of pleasure and longing in a loved one's eyes.

What has happened to our display of affection? Has it become only for show?

As if we have to prove ourselves or our worth to others!

Those pleasant gifts done in intimate secrecy are far more precious to me than a thousand "I love yous" plastered on a billboard for the world to see.

For it was done not for satisfaction, applause from others or a pat on the back (or a "like" from facebook "friends")

but humbly done by my loved one for me in the view of our Maker only and for far greater rewards from above.

Let's not flaunt love and make it cheap, ordinary and for show!

How lovely the bond strong enough between two individuals to be steadfast in motion, secure in foundation, holding strong to character, with not the slightest needy of notions, the silly urgency to be reassured every moment, or the weak wavering of faith in what has already been expressed and needing proof to feel it again. How tiring the act of being swayed like a tree in the wind, giving into every insecure whim.

Let's believe. Have faith. Hold onto. Live. Cherish. Love. Protect.

True love needs no affirmation. It just is. It just is. True love is steadfast and immovable. It isn't fed by "need", selfishness or proof.

When life becomes a show, anything real slowly ceases to exist. And the perception and definition between the two becomes obscure. It is sad to be witness to such things... it makes me long for passage back to simpler times-or to be able to fly ahead to heaven's waiting arms. To leave these worldly struggles in the dust and be thrust ahead into perfection.

Privacy is still needed and the protection of it, so crucial.

Show love off? No! Flaunt it? No, I say again.

Love each other. Sacrifice pride. Share hearts in a personal and intimate way! Find true identity in Christ and Him alone!

I am content in pleasing His and my lovers eyes alone! Not in parading my every blessing and good fortune in life and love for all to see.

This is why I tend to abhor facebook, which is the biggest culprit of all in this!! It becomes seemingly a game, a competition of sorts, a SHOW.

How silly!

I take pride in Christ; I stand firm in Him. I find my complete worth in HIM.

For in the end, recognition and satisfaction, through the blood of Christ, in the eyes of our Lord God, is all that will matter... and everything else was just for show.

Yes, we are all the same. We're all imperfect humans. We all long to be seen. For other's to know we're loved and adored. We ALL are. We all have good things, bad things and all that there is in between. This I know: Jesus loves us all specifically and individually. I'm so thankful for my intimate Savior and the selfless gift of love He's bestowed on each of us.

Change my heart, O God.

Lord, I find my worth in you today!

I'm so thankful for your perfect love.

I'm so sorry if this resembles a ranting rave, but this is my blog for Pete's sake and I did give myself permission first. {smile}

"Not by might, nor by power, but by MY spirit"

*Alyssa Grace Photography

"... Everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Accept one another then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."

Romans 15:4-7

~

How sweet it is when we, as brothers and sisters in Christ memorize, exhort, love, encourage, pray, remind and quote God's ageless Word to each other! God uses His Word to speak into our hearts, change and grow us up in Him... His Word is alive, active and tests our every thought and action and is indeed beneficial in any situation... His Words speak life into the wilderness of our souls... God's words are never influenced by feelings, emotions or tainted with selfishness... His words spawn from perfect love. Divide and conquer. Loose the bonds of sin. Give peace. Hope. Direction. Praise. Not words from within myself or in my power, as to open up feelings of being puffed up or boastful, but the welling up of His words pouring forth from a heart of gratitude for His provisions for us at just the right moment! Healing. Changing. Encouraging.

I crave His powerful words, spoken from a dear one's heart, drenching my parched life with the water of His Word!

How much more often we should be letting God use us to speak to those around us, HIS words... rather than the words we deem necessary in and of our fleshly selves.

Our God is our everything and everything we will ever need for life and godliness is found in His Word and is made tangible through our relationship with Him.

Praise His Holy name!