Friday, January 21, 2011


The world's filthy muck has a dark hold of me.
My feet are death gripped by the heavy sludge of sin and rejection.
A once beautiful creation, now marred and disfigured. Covered in the stench of blood and death, I reel with doubt.

Evil clings. Weaves and lies it's way inside to become one. It reigns.
Movement only sinks my feet deeper still as all feeling hardens to stone.
The rancid smell of sulphur steaming from hell below, seemingly streams with laughter down the bars around me. Air has turned thick with ash of the bodies claimed before.
Terror tightens my chest. My lungs seize.  My breath shortens and ever living again becomes but a dream as I sink lower still.

The war raged on inside of me but the outcome had seemingly already been written. The ending had already begun.
I struggled. Death beckoned. Then threatened. Hands were useless. Words are empty. Life was definitely slipping away.
The blackness grew stronger. Hope left. I was alone. I could taste the bitter end.
As my last tear fell, I shuddered and became limp as steamy hot breath engulfed my neck.
"Succumb," he hissed, "succumb."

"Jesus..." a prayer flowed from desolation. The rush of the Spirit instantly opened my eyes. My heart confessed and started beating once more.
"Jesus," I whisper again through parched cracked lips as I strain to keep my head above the suffocating nothingness...
"I need you."
"I need YOU."

Instantly my feet we're met with solid truth. Light and life stream from the blackness of the furthest corner of my prison. My broken heart felt again. Relief. Gladness.
I was drenched in renewed strength and joy bubbled from the depths below as out of the blackness my feeble body rose, resting steadfastly on a large wooden cross.
I fell to my knees. Trusting. Staking my faith in Christ and His death on the cross. Which is forever constant. Able. Enough. The end to all ends.

I turned my face into the strong cleansing wind that had begun to mightily blow taking with it the stench of death and the crippling weight of sin and mortality. The disfiguring thickness of earth's mire melted from my skin. Clarity came. Movement began again. Freedom won.
As I turned to face the wind, I saw following closely behind, a mighty roaring refining fire. Purifying. Cleansing as it engulfed. Painfully burning away parts of me twisted with cords of evil. Completely breaking it's hold on me.

Walls crumbled. Hell defeated, roared away, being eaten alive by pure light. Perfectly beaten.
My frame, lifted up as a feather floating to safety became utterly drained of failures. Disappointments and fear. Being filled instead with healing light.
Dead to mortal life. Giving up on me. Hoping once again in Him. Alive. Alive.
Healing tears of joy streamed down my cheeks and soaked into fresh soil below the new green grass-a growing season had now begun. A newly washed heart healthy and thriving, blossoming under the goodness of grace.

"Come"  He said beautifully as only a heavenly melody speaks. "Hold onto me." Grace poured from his lips as Jesus reached out, both arms streaming with light and love, revealing his scarred wrists. My hands lifted to embrace His. He smiled tenderly and pulled me safely to his side, "Come, walk with me again, dear one", as we turned towards Heaven, His all-encompassing presence swallowed me up to glorious eternity.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A snip-it's view into of the world of a child's mind and the chuckles I get daily from hilarious things I read or witness while schooling my children:

One of My Second in commands assignments in Science while studying her environment:

Name one thing that you can

Her answers:

Name one thing that you can
See.    trees
Smell.    flowers
Hear.    birds
Taste.    sap    grose
Feel.    bark

Where did she come up with THAT? Why not an apple from a tree... or a berry from the bush... Sap? Oh my goodness like she's EVER even tried to taste it.  Maybe it's actually very yummy. Haha...and "grose"... let's just say spelling isn't exactly her strong point... yet. Anyway, there are SO many cute little lovelies I get from correcting, teaching and having all of my kids home with me all day. On days when baby is into everything, tensions are high, sleep deprivation looms, questions are coming to me from five different directions and attention spans are non-existent, I sit down. Scream. Sigh. Pray. Remember why we chose to home school them. It's not because I have to, because I'm following the crowd or even because it's the best way. We home school our children because we feel led to. The Lord has called us to it. Only He knows the ins, outs and in betweens of why. Only He knows what every other alternative would bring in ours and our children's lives if we chose to go our own way(and believe me I second guess our decision to home school every year). Because along with doing what the Lord desires in our lives for our children's sakes, sometimes sacrifice on our parts as parents spares us reaping the concequences of what would otherwise be completely folly.
On days when life is overwhelming, I take a moment to look up, pray and remember to keep my eyes focused, my perspective heavenly and my heart thankful.  It doesn't matter who you are, where you live, your social status, how perfect, pretty, marred or confident you are, whether you're locked in a windowless dungeon because of your faith or on top of the world you can look up and sing:

I have a maker
he formed my heart,
before even time began
My life was in his hands

He knows my name
He knows my every thought,
He sees each tear that falls
and hears me when I call

I have a father,
he calls me his own
He'll never leave me,
no matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and hears me when I call

-Paul Baloche