Hope

     As I took a morning run under the grey overcast sky, in the refreshing coolness that early spring brings, I noticed the mountain tops, miles away touching the sun kissed clouds and I couldn't help but reflect. How beautiful and peaceful it would be to be able to fly away, high into the sky and leave all of my troubles behind me. Dwell on the mountain tops. Alone. Quietly living, praising and communing with my Maker. Then, life would be easy. Doing good, would be a cinch. Perfection, AH a piece of double chocolate cake. 

But as I labored on in my run, lost in thought and longing I realized that even there, even in that perfect setting, everything done when I wanted it to be, no one whining, expecting or crying at me to DO something, I would still have my sinful nature. My mind would still wander from worshipping my Lord. My feet could slip. Even in the perfection of God's nature, the imperfections of sin's roots run deep. Death, shivering cold and dangerous mountain cliffs still threaten... as I run, persevere physically day by day-so I do so in my spiritual walk. It's not easy. There is no escape route. Laboring on through the flames of refinement produces a life and heart purified, strong and unmovable in God's promises.

     So I keep running, crying, holding on to sweet hope-gazing at the far off beauty of heaven. Longing and believing that I will one day be there, perfect, loved... home.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering,
   the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
   and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
   and therefore I have hope:
 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassion's never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”
 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
   to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
   for the salvation of the LORD." 

~Lamentations 3:19-26

Slug Bug Story

     One thing I LOVE about my kids is how innovative they are!  They aren't satisfied with the same ol' same ol'... a chip off the old block I suppose.

     They started off having a blast playing the slug bug game-although, truth be told it turns into mean words and nasty fights at times(which leads to the dreaded grounding from playing the game for awhile), too but more than not, they have fun and the slug bug game keeps their minds off of being stuck in the car-but over time that classic game got laborious and boring, not to mention painful. So they started keeping points for each bug they saw. 10 points for new bugs and 25 for the vintage ones. If two of them yell it out at the same time, whoever says "JINX!" first gets the points. So, after a while longer that too got a little monotonous. So the game morphed into the "Kathy Car" game. Let me explain:

     We have a beautiful neighbor, Kathy who lives just down the street a block and who also attends our church, where she leads the children in Worship songs. We have visited her a few times, she has gifted us flowers among other things and her dear husband has molded us some wonderful keepsakes from clay.  He has a kiln to bake them in, he makes beautifully unique pottery and both of them are some of the most giving, selfless people we know. Thankful for neighbors such as them! Not to mention, I LOVE their house!

     So needless to say my kids adore miss Kathy. She has a PT Cruiser and I do believe those may rival the populous amount of Volkswagen beetles one day. Especially if my children have anything to say about it. So anytime they see a PT Cruiser, they now yell out "Kathy CARRRR!" And thus get 30 mega points for doing so. And it doesn't stop there!  No, for the "ultimate" Kathy Car, which is actually Kathy's literal car, you get a whopping 100 points. Ding ding ding!  Jackpot.

     So there you go folks, they have been having a blast playing this incredibly imaginative game every time we get into the car, it's great that they exercise their brains to keep score and it makes this mama smile!

     When we went to visit Grandpa Jim for his 90th birthday a couple of weeks ago, they were astonished when they saw a new Volkswagen beetle sitting in his driveway. As their jaws dropped open, they inched toward the car, arms raising, hands extending, in expectation, declaring," We have never seen one. So. CLOSE! May we touch it?" And all in good fun, they did. They wanted their pictures taken with it and yes, my boy kissed it. 

Guys and cars. Pshaw. I shall never understand it.

Western beauty

Random Thoughts Tuesday

Well, I've got a computer again! It's a relic. Nearly a decade in age... which you know is 100 in human years! And what's worse is it's not a laptop(it's age already gave that away). It's... a... DESK TOP!  *Sigh* Children's teeth must come first! Right?
I will grit MY teeth in agony while waiting for photos to load and I will be happy while doing so! Because afterall it WAS my fumbling fingers that clumsily dropped my dear laptop which in turn led to it's untimely demise.

We just returned from a mini trip to visit family out west. It was an 8 hour drive each way and miraculously, we LOVED every moment of it. It took us a couple of hours to get out of town as we had to make a stop at the doctor's office and pharmacy(such is life with kids). But once on the road we stopped to see Multnomah and Horsetail falls, listened to Adventures in Odyssey and thoroughly enjoyed having family close with little distractions.

We celebrated Grandpa Jim's 90th birthday while there!  One of my favorite moments of the trip was when he opened a handmade gift from his son and grand kids: a paper cut-out of a boat and fisherman with his pole and line out with 90 fish trailing behind. One for each year. All 90 of the fish were hand cut, unique and got bigger in size as you got the end of the line, symbolizing his legacy, influence and family among other things I suppose. Such creativity, thought and time went into a gift like that... those are the best kind.

I stabbed a can open this morning with a sharp knife while my oldest daughter held the phone poised to call 911 if needed... I do believe it is time to buy a can opener.

My son looks like a who from Who ville. Seriously!  He fell off of our bar stool gouging his top lip with his teeth. It's massively swelled up, and well... when he smiles, he almost resembles the Grinch! Hahaha, poor guy. We're all trying not to laugh around him.

I have tons of pictures that I am so very eager to edit, stories that I JUST CAN'T WAIT to post, a house that needs cleaning, dentist appointments that need scheduling, soccer games wanting attendance, dirt that needs raking, an attic that needs finishing, lattes that need steaming, friends I'd love to be visiting, family I'd enjoy calling, clothes that need washing, windshields needing repairing, papers waiting grading and meals that warrant making... I'm quite busy.

I have discovered I am not a wimp after all. A friend, after having 5 kids naturally, recently underwent her first c-section with her 6th child due to complications in her pregnancy. She went on to tell me she doesn't know why I did it more than once, and that the recovery is so hard, especially with other kids in the house needing her, and much more painful compared to having her others naturally. This was news for me!

Having had five c-sections myself and then calling it quits deciding we're satisfied with our family in size and for health reasons for me, we have made the decision to be done with the baby stage. I have never known any other way of delivering a baby than a c-section!  I have gone through 15 hours of labor, ending in a c-section. Completely and utterly awful, let me tell you. I have also, gone into the hospital in the morning for a planned c-section, no prior labor and delivered my baby. Much, much more doable and "delightful" than the prior with a slightly faster recovery. 

My first daughter was breech, so born via c-section. My four subsequent babies were also born via c-section as well due to other complications and just plain poor planning i.e. babies 12 months apart(*wink *wink God knows ALL!). So I haven't a clue as to the comparison between natural birth and c-sections. Now I am aware enough to know that every woman experiences different pain levels in natural childbirth and if you throw in their different levels in pain tolerance, it really is hard to compare. It is quite easier though to compare c-sections to natural childbirth, especially in the recovery process. I would love to hear from other women who have gone through both to get even more input into which process is preferred.

God made our bodies to become pregnant, carry the baby to term and then deliver the baby naturally from our body. No cuts, no stitches, no surgery.  All natural. The way God planned it from the beginning of time, with the exception of pain... unfortunately the fall of man changed the fate of that! After we give birth, as we nurse our baby, our body amazingly bounces back and begins to go back to normal right away!  Within hours or days, besides exhaustion from sleep deprivation, our bodies begin to feel energetic and better than we have in months!  In a matter of hours, we go from being pregnant, to pain in labor, birthing baby and to having a beautiful new life in our arms to start nurturing and loving on. It's God's wonderful design, simply stated.

I have never had that exact experience. With each pregnancy, the excitement and beauty of pregnancy and a new baby has always had the looming surgery and recovery tacked onto it. With a c-section, you are cut open, stomach muscles divided, uterus brought up and out of your body and baby and placenta is extracted... then they stitch you up and put you back together again. It's a harrowing process, one that doctors have perfected over the years with technology to where there isn't much risk at all anymore.  I would always have a blood pressure dive down to 60 over 40 during surgery(which feels like something I can't explain but I'll try... like your drowning and your eyes are darkening and rolling back into your head, your lungs are seizing and you are passing out.... anyways, no fun!) before the anesthesiologist would get me medicated and my blood pressure back up to normal, but other than that it was a breeze during surgery, just a bit uncomfortable and worrisome. After catching but a glimpse of their sweet little face once they we're born, I wouldn't get to hold baby until about 45 minutes after birth and wouldn't be able to feel my legs for at least 6 more hours after that. The next few days and weeks are hard.  No only because I have a new baby to take care of but because being able to walk takes a few days and being able to roll over in bed takes at least a week to be able to do. My overall energy is sapped in trying to heal my cut up body. After five c-sections, the toll on my body can be felt. Scar tissue, nerve issues from the many spinal epidurals and overall tiredness from having had 5 major surgeries in 7 years has caught up with me.

That being said, I am thankful, beyond words that God holds us up in times of trial and hardship... even though things in this fallen world don't always go according to plan, we can rest upon His promises that He knows. He cares. He is always here for us in out time of need.  He has proven Himself faithful to us, many times over.  I wouldn't change a thing that He has brought us through!

Okay, marching on into our busy day I must go. My second in command and I made muffins to sell to daddy's co-workers this morning and we must get them there while still warm and steaming!
Good Day!

If we had been there...

As the sun reflects off raindrops upon leaves, may the heartsprings of my life, resting in faith reflect nothing less than the love of Jesus!

I've been playing through hymnals quite a bit lately on the piano as I(and a few little voices at times)sing along. Right now I am playing through beauties from Hymns For the Family of God. In the midst of "His life and Ministry" section, #286 there is a reading that goes along with an American folk hymn "Were You There?" It's thought provoking. Beautiful, prodding words fill it's paragraphs and it's title "If We Had Been There" rightly begs the questions:
We're we there? No, but if we would have seen Jesus' life and ministry firsthand would we live each day differently today?  If we had touched his hands, walked in His footsteps and had known the sound of His voice... would our faith be greater? Would we live a life more abandoned for God in this year 2011; a life different than the world's flow, than the tug of society and yes, even our fellow believers?

"If we had been Jews, would we have spoken out for Him

when the Sanhedrin accused Him of blasphemy?

If we had been Gentiles, would we have defended Him

when the Romans condemned Him to death?

If we had been disciples, would we have stayed with Him

when the crowd became a crucifying mob?

Or would we have been like Peter-

who followed Him and loved Him

and denied Him three times before dawn?

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

O! Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.

And the Christ who was crucified there, once said:

"As you have done it to the least of these, My brothers,

you have done it unto Me."

As nations rise in war

As governments oppress the poor

As passive people turn and look aside

In silence

We crucify

Again-

We crucify.

As indifference forms the pattern of our lives,

As hungry children cry for food,

As widows mourn alone in empty rooms,

In apathy-

We crucify.

Again-

We crucify.

Were you there when they nailed Him to the tree?

O! Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.

I think of the nails that crucified my Lord.

They were made of iron; but more-

They were made of hatred, prejudice and greed.

And I wonder-

What part of myself creates mails in other forms

that wound my brother or sister-and my Lord?

You know how many times I have betrayed you, Lord.

You know the times I have chosen evil over good.

Guilt lies upon me like an iron cloak.

My soul is heavy-my burden hard.

Were you there when He rose up from the grave?

O! Sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.

In the act of death He absorbs our sins.

In love, He forgives our failures.

In the act of resurrection He gives the promise of acceptance,

the assurance of forgiveness, the affirmation of eternal life.

"Your sins are forgiven you", He said, "Go and sin no more."

Through You love, I am made whole,

Through Your death, I have found new life.

You are my shield, my redeemer and my hope.

My sins are forgiven-Hallelujah!"

-Marilee Zdenek