Music speaks to me. It moves me. God uses it to change me. Music breathes life into my weary soul and like clay in the hands of a potter, my outlook on life begins to take positive shape again, with divine purpose as I worship and praise the name of the Lord! Desire reappears as I am molded into a vessel more useful once again, newly inspired, with a sense of His permeating joy filling my being. I have always loved music, particularly playing an instrument. Growing up, it was an outlet for my feelings, my frustrations, my victories, along with writing. For quite a time, I have been oddly sidetracked and have withdrawn in ways from these dear loves of mine. I'm not sure why! This past week has been one of utter unrest for me physically, mentally and spiritually. The overwhelming presence of unrest and fear have been consuming my heart and mind. I've been reeling from the pressure of it, paralyzed as it gripped my very soul! I've been sleepless, crying and without energy, desire or inspiration. The urge to submit to depression and curl up in defeat has been knocking at my door, and I have cracked that door open, unwittingly giving in. Running 4 days on a total of 13 hours of restless sleep will do that to a person!!
Recently, with these emotional ups and downs I've been having and the apparent depth of unrest in my life, I felt called to step back from the things that have been taking up my time, the things I would lose sleep over or turn to bright & early in the morning and those things that ruled a lot of my day. I needed to take a step back, pray, take stock, re-prioritize. I decided to take a "break" from face book in particular as well as a couple of other 'things' I would catch myself finding joy in, because it did have several holds on my life and heart and has been indeed holding me back from fulfilling the daily purposes divinely given me. I was taking good care of my family, getting needs met, chores done, doing okay but I was being fed too much worldly food, and not enough of the life sustaining food from my Heavenly Father and it was catching up with me. Instead of continually being socially driven and finding contentment in being a part-of or staking my sense of "belonging" in things of this world, I am instead to find my worth and joy in Him and my relationship with Him. I know I am called to lift my feelings and energy, the cries of my heart, the prayers that well up from within, the melodies that pour forth from my soul onto the keys of my piano, the words and poems that steadily go into my journal up to the throne of my God. Instead of looking to be fed by other's opinions, advice, or even loving words, I needed to come back once again to my Heavenly Father first and foremost, making time spent with Him, in His presence, my priority, letting HIS important words be ALL that I seek... at least for a time. I'm sure I will once again face book, but thankfully, I know I will never be the same. There are SO many other accomplishments I have yet to finish, a higher calling to complete. Thank you, Lord for transformation and the growth and maturity you call us to! I am not going to get comfortable in this life but be constantly growing, though painful at times, improving and moving forward in my walk with Him! And though one thing may be a distraction for one person, it may very well be an other's calling!! That is the beauty of God using each of our various strengths and diversities as well as our weaknesses in the perfect place and to work together for His perfect and sovereign plan.... the plan that He ordained for me from the beginning of time, to carry out daily as I stay grounded in Him.
I have purposed to read more, making sure sweet quiet time comes first, along with prayer. Lots of prayer! As I want to have ALL of my emotional needs met by Him alone. I'm going back to my first loves, writing and playing the piano. I plan to continue pouring the thoughts of my heart out onto paper and into melodies, which are some of the true gifts God has given me to use for Him! Things that speak life to my heart, create longing for Him, praise Him and glory in His ways, are not worldly chatter or being sidetracked by meaningless charades.
I am humbled and truly blessed to know that my Heavenly Father cares enough for me to remind me that I am not called to be normal, average or anything that resembles the goals and triumphs of this world. I am called to go far beyond that and through His empowering Holy Spirit, gracious blood and loving sovereignty, without a doubt, I will.
The Lord's loving kindness is beyond my comprehension, and I am so in love with Him!
After coming to these conclusions, making decisions and accepting this calling on my life, I am wonderfully full and grateful. And although not all of the unwanted circumstances are gone or taken care of, I am full of thankfulness, hope and joy. Inner Rest.
My husband and I were invited to go to a friend's symphony concert recently and it was just one of those life experiences that blows you away. Not because the evening was amazing perfection(although it was close to me!), but the timing sure was. And David, such a sweet gentleman-God used him to bless mine and my husband's heart deeply.
The music was beautiful, as they poured their hard work, dedication and love of music into this concert but the hearts of our brothers and sisters in Christ, and the friends they are and always will be is even more beautiful. It was a touching life event, and the evening struck a harmonious chord in my heart. Bringing me to once again, grab hold of the hope and true rest that we have already been given, and that the Lord freely gives to us, His children.
Here is my main man along with his running buddy, and friend, David! These two are amazingly enough, very distant relatives! And the only way they know this, is because David grew up across the street from my Main man's grandparents in a city 7 hours away from where we live now! His grandpa loves geneology and knows his family tree very well and when David's parents compared family lines with Brandon's grandparents, they were astonished to find where the two families had split off. How crazy small is this world sometimes that both David and my Main man now have moved to the same area, and are friends!? My husband really enjoys and admires this guy so he must be pretty special!
I had the pleasure of sitting next to my friend, Katie who is amazing in her own musical talents. We hadn't planned it but were very excited to have run into each other at the concert and enjoyed friendly and delightful company throughout the evening. What a sweetie this beautiful girl is! Love her!
My main man and I! This is a man who has loved, protected, prayed for, held up, wiped tears and supported me always but even more so through this past week and all of it's emotional and physical hardships.What blessings from above, God loves to rain down on us!!
And all of it, I know I do not deserve.
But O, thankfully, that is the way of His overwhelming grace.
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